3 Wee Tips

Stay calm and unflappable. Take one deep, slow breath out.

Acknowledge your child's big feeling — for example, "I can see you feel frustrated."

Gently steer your child towards a calm activity — for example, "Try playing with your lego to see if that helps you feel calm again."

Introduce 3 simple family rules and stick them on the fridge — for example: Kind hands; No hurting; Helping and sharing.

Stay calm and give a warning. For example, "If you continue to have a tantrum, we will need to leave the park / stop the activity." If behaviour persists, always stick to what you have said and steer your child toward a more calming activity, to help teach them a way to calm down.

Try to pre-empt and help your child by steering them toward a calming activity (reading, building, music) or a physical activity — for example, jumping on the trampoline or dribbling a football.

Keep bedtime routines calm, predictable and consistent. Try a sleep chart — ⭐ Open & print the Bedtime Chart ›

Always give a five-minute warning ahead of the wind-down routine.

Use calm wind-down activities — dim lights, stories, colouring. Tell your child "Settle to sleep now and I will check you" — and always check in on them so they feel secure.

Use visual boards to show your child what is happening and when.

Talk with your child about what you will both be doing during the time you are apart.

Encourage your child to take small, brave steps and praise every effort — however small.

Use colourful bowls and place very small portions of food into each one. ⭐ Open & print the Trying New Foods Chart ›

Involve your child in shopping and choosing new foods — and in baking or preparing meals, allowing them to have messy hands and taste as they go.

Introduce a tiny amount of a new food on the plate just to try. Encourage them to see if they like it, and praise your child simply for trying — whatever the result.

Work out regular time slots and encourage your child to get into the habit of going to the toilet. Gently steer them to the bathroom "to try" — no big deal if they don't actually go.

Help your child feel safe and secure — a little stool for their feet helps keep them balanced. Keep a small basket with favourite books nearby; you can read together while they relax.

Give plenty of praise — "Well done!" "Great job!" Then talk naturally about the activity they are returning to. 🚽 Open & print the Toilet Chart ›

Point to the light that shows how you feel — use the Feelings Traffic Light to help your child name and show their feeling. Print it out and pop it somewhere handy at home.

🚦 Open & print the Feelings Chart ›

Say to your child: "Let me catch that big tricky feeling in my net and help keep it safe" — then stretch your arms wide to show your imaginary net and say "Got it!" This usually grabs your child's attention and gives the feeling a name.

Steer your child to a calming activity: "Let's do some colouring / Lego / reading together." Then gently ask: "Well done — is this helping you to feel warm and cosy inside? You can point to the green light on the chart."

Introduce a reward chart or collect rewards in a big jar, tin, or box. ⭐ Open & print a Reward Chart › 🌟 Open & print Collectable Rewards ›

Praise your child for all the "little" wins. For example, "That was lovely playing"; "I really enjoyed hearing that / spending time with you"; "Thank you for all your help with the gardening / table / tidying toys."

Make sure to tell all the adults who visit about all the great things your child has been doing and trying.

Break tasks into small, achievable steps — draw a rectangle and divide it into small chunks of time (e.g. 20 minutes) and colour code them. Set a timer to remind your child to stop and have a fun short break at the end of each chunk. Praise your child's efforts. 🧩 Open & print the One Chunk at a Time chart ›

Remind your child to come to you if they find something difficult to understand, and always reassure them that everyone finds things challenging at times.

Encourage them to have a go and reassure them that with practice they will find a way to make it feel easier.

Acknowledge your child's feelings and gently suggest a smaller step to try. Notice when your child tries hard, keeps going, or has a go at something tricky — "I saw how you stuck with that" tells them that effort matters more than getting it perfect.

Gently challenge the unkind inner voice. When your child says "I can't do it," help them add a small word: "I can't do it yet." Show them that finding things hard is part of learning, not proof that they're no good.

Help them notice their own strengths. Each day, share one thing they did well or let them know if you enjoyed a time doing something together — an act of kindness, a good try, a fun idea. Over time these little moments build a steadier, kinder sense of who they are.

Keep connection gentle and steady. Let them know that you have noticed they seem a bit down and gently ask if there is anything that might help — to talk, to sit together, an activity together? Step back and let them decide — if they don't want to talk in that moment, they might come to you later. Spend small bits of unhurried time together each day and keep familiar routines going. Your calm, predictable presence helps your child feel safe and less alone, even when they can't put their feelings into words.

Do wee check-ins without mentioning their mood — just a smile as you pass by is fine sometimes; it lets them know you are there and reminds them they can come with a worry. Make space for their feelings — let your child know it's okay to feel low, feel quiet, or feel cross. You could say something like "that sounds really hard" — this can help them feel understood. Don't rush in to try and fix it. This lets them see it is normal to have uncomfortable feelings sometimes, and they can pass.

Encourage small, doable activities. A little fresh air, gentle movement, or one small step back towards something they used to enjoy can lift mood bit by bit. Keep it light and praise any effort — tiny steps count.

Acknowledge the thought and feeling — this helps take the power out of it. For example: "I notice that I feel anxious about going to my lecture today." Now take one big breath out, hold steady, and gently take one small step towards the thing you're avoiding. Just one manageable step (sit near the door in a lecture, message one friend, open the work for ten minutes) and let yourself feel the anxiety settle. Each small step teaches your brain that you can cope.

Settle your body first — slow your breathing with a longer breath out than in. A steadier body makes the anxious thoughts easier to handle.

Make sure to look after the basics: sleep, movement, daylight, and eating regularly.

Notice that putting it off is fear talking, not laziness. Avoiding the task is temporary relief, but it also makes the fear bigger and leaves less time — which can feel even scarier. Name it gently: "I'm avoiding this because I'm scared it won't be good enough." Naming the fear takes some of its power away and helps you choose your next step.

Set yourself a small, manageable target. You don't have to do the whole thing — just start. Open the document and write one messy sentence, or set a timer for ten minutes and then have a mini break. Give yourself full permission for it to be a rough first go; remember you can always improve it. Facing the fear and simply taking one small step allows you to take another step and build from there.

Try to remember that mistakes and imperfect attempts are how everyone learns — they're not proof that you're not good enough. Aim for "good enough and finished" rather than perfect, as perfect doesn't actually exist! Treat yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a friend. If it helps, talk it through with someone you trust or your university wellbeing service.

Remind yourself that feeling unsettled is a normal response to big change, not a sign something is wrong. When everything familiar shifts at once, your mind and body take time to catch up. Name it gently: "Of course I feel unsettled — so much is new right now." Feeling this way doesn't mean you've made the wrong choice; it means you're adjusting.

Build in small anchors of routine and the familiar. When a lot is uncertain, steady the things you can control — regular sleep, meals, a morning walk, one familiar comfort from home. These small, predictable anchors give your nervous system a sense of safety while everything else settles.

Focus on the next small step, not the whole picture. You don't need to have it all figured out. Ask "what's one manageable thing I can do today?" — go to one class, join one society, message one person. Give yourself permission to settle in gradually, and reach out to others; most people around you are finding their feet too, even if it doesn't show.

Recognise that feeling numb is often a sign of burnout, not that you don't care. When you've been running on empty for too long, your mind and body dial everything down to protect you. Name it gently: "I think I'm burnt out, and this is my body telling me I need to rest." This isn't a personal failing — it's a signal to slow down.

Refill your energy with the basics first. Try to take small steps towards balance, as the rest and rhythm will help you recover — protect your sleep, eat and drink regularly, get some daylight and gentle movement, and build in real breaks where you're not being productive. Small, steady top-ups do more than one big push to catch up.

Gently reconnect and lighten the load. Numbness eases as you reintroduce small things that used to matter — message one friend, do ten minutes of something you enjoy, step outside. At the same time, look honestly at what you can pause, drop, or ask for help with. You don't have to carry it all, and you don't have to do it alone.

Remember that very few choices are truly final. The fear of the "wrong" choice keeps you immobilised, but making a first decision helps us to mobilise — and try to remember, most decisions can be adjusted, changed, or learned from as you go. Name it gently: "I'm going round in circles because I'm scared of getting it wrong." Seeing the fear for what it is helps loosen its grip so you can move.

Stay present and make it a small experiment to gather evidence. Instead of hunting for the one perfect answer, pick one option to try for now and treat it as information-gathering. Give yourself a timeframe, notice what you learn, and let each step point you towards the next. Action — even small, imperfect action — builds confidence far more than more thinking.

Reconnect with what matters to you, and get some support. Rather than "what should I do?", ask "what feels meaningful, interesting, or a good fit for me?" Jot your strengths and values down, and talk it through with someone you trust, a mentor, or your university careers or wellbeing service. You don't have to have it all figured out — clarity usually comes from moving, not from waiting. Try to remember that if you do nothing at all, that too is a decision.

Try to praise the effort your child makes rather than focusing on the result. Perfectionism often grows when a young person feels their worth depends on achievement. At this age they often compare themselves and really want to fit in. Help your child by noticing and valuing how hard they try, their kindness, and who they are — separately from grades or outcomes. Let them see that your love and pride aren't earned by being perfect.

Gently help your teenager to hear their self-talk — "if it's not perfect, it's rubbish" — and question it together: "would you say that to a friend?" Calmly encourage "give it a go, good enough and finished" over perfect, and try not to over-reassure, as endless reassurance can quietly feed the worry.

Model that mistakes are normal, and protect rest and balance. Share your own small slip-ups and what you learned, so they see that getting things wrong is part of being human. Encourage breaks, sleep, downtime, and things they enjoy just for fun — showing that they don't have to earn the right to rest.

In a panic, help their body feel safe first. A panic attack feels frightening but isn't dangerous — it passes. Stay calm yourself, and gently guide their breathing: breathe in slowly, and make the breath out longer than the breath in. Remind them, "this is anxiety, it will pass, you are safe." A calm, steady you helps their body settle.

Make space for the worry rather than trying to rescue or fix it. Let your teenager know it's okay to feel anxious and that you're there to listen and help keep their worry safe. Naming it — "that sounds really overwhelming" — often helps more than reassurance or problem-solving. Try gently to reduce constant reassurance-seeking, as answering every "what if" can quietly feed the anxiety. Stay unflappable, and your child will begin to feel calm too.

Help them empty an overloaded mind and take small steps. When everything feels like too much, it can help to write the worries onto paper. They can simply post it into a box, or they might choose to share it — and if they do, you can suggest they pick one small thing to do first. Protect their sleep, movement, downtime, and screen breaks — a steadier body makes an anxious mind easier to manage. Small, manageable steps help build their confidence to face things rather than avoid them, and this will grow as they navigate each challenge successfully.

Keep the connection warm and the conversation open. Wanting to fit in is a completely normal part of being a teenager — belonging really matters to them right now. Show interest without judging or overreacting, so your teen feels they can talk to you about tricky situations. A calm, non-shaming "tell me what's going on" keeps the door open far more than lectures.

Help them plan a way out before they need it. It's much easier to resist pressure with a ready-made line. Practise together simple things they can say — "nah, I'm good," "I've got training tomorrow," or a code text to you that means "come and get me, no questions asked." Knowing they always have an exit, and that you'll back them, makes saying no far easier.

Build their confidence and sense of who they are. The steadier a young person feels in themselves, the less they need to bend to fit in. Notice and value their strengths, interests, and real friendships, and gently talk through the difference between fitting in and truly belonging. Agree clear, caring boundaries around risk together — firm limits, offered with warmth, actually help teens feel safe.

Remember that big emotions and big questions are part of growing up. The teenage brain is still developing, so feelings can swing quickly and intensely — this is normal, not a sign that something is wrong. Try to stay calm and steady when their emotions peak; your unflappable presence helps them feel safe and slowly learn to ride the waves rather than be swept away by them.

Listen to understand, not to fix. When your teen shares a feeling or a big question, resist jumping in to solve it or talk them out of it. Simply naming and accepting it — "that sounds really hard," or "it makes sense you'd feel that way" — helps them feel heard. Feeling understood is what takes the intensity out of an emotion and helps them make sense of who they are.

Let them know they are accepted, exactly as they are. Feeling different or misunderstood is one of the loneliest parts of growing up. Show warm, curious interest in what matters to them — their views, identity, and the person they're becoming — without judgement. Knowing they are loved and accepted at home gives them a secure base from which to explore who they are.

Keep connection gentle and steady, and keep an eye on things for a few weeks. With milder low mood, let your teen know you've noticed they don't seem quite themselves, and gently ask if anything is on their mind — a chat, a walk, or just sitting together. Let them lead: if they don't want to talk right then, they may come to you later. Do wee check-ins without making it a big deal, and remember that irritability is often how low mood shows up in teenagers.

Make space for the feeling and try not to rush to fix it. Let your teen know it's okay to feel low, flat, or frustrated, and that you're there to listen. Acknowledging it — "that sounds really tough" — helps more than advice or pointing out the positives. Staying calm and unflappable when they're snappy helps them feel safe and slowly settle.

Gently keep up routine and small, doable activities. Familiar rhythms — sleep, meals, getting outside, a little movement, and staying connected with friends — all help lift mood bit by bit. Encourage small steps rather than big pushes, keep mornings and school as steady as you can, and praise any effort. Tiny steps really count.

Notice your own rising feeling, and step back and pause before you react. Staying calm starts with catching yourself early — the tight chest, the flash of heat. In that moment, take one slow breath out and remind yourself: "this is my button being pushed; I can respond, not react." Even a few seconds' pause is often enough to steady you, and your calm helps your child's big feelings settle too.

Repair matters more than being perfect. Every parent snaps sometimes, no one is superhuman — it's not the slip that shapes a child, it's what happens next. Reconnect afterwards: "I'm sorry I shouted, that was about how I was feeling, not about you." This teaches your child that relationships can bend and mend, and that big feelings are survivable. Your guilt is simply a sign of how much you care.

Look after yourself and be kind to the parent you are. You can't stay calm on an empty tank, so protect your own rest, support, and small moments for you. This will help you feel calm and also give you energy so that you can best help your child. And notice this: the very fact that you're reflecting and want to do things differently means you are already breaking old patterns, not repeating them. Awareness is where change begins.

Aim for "good enough", not perfect. Decades of research tell us children don't need a flawless parent — they thrive with a "good enough" one who is warm, present, and gets it right often enough. Chasing perfect is an impossible bar that leaves you exhausted and guilty. Try swapping "it's never enough" for "I'm doing my best, and my best is enough."

Remember every parent feels just like you, sometimes. Comparison steals your confidence and joy. Gently notice it, put the phone down, and come back to your own child in front of you.

Look after yourself without guilt — it's part of good parenting, not separate from it. You can't pour from an empty cup, and a rested, steadier you is one of the best things you can give your child. Protect small pockets of time for yourself and let the guilt go: taking care of yourself models balance and shows your child that their parent matters too. It also teaches your child that calm, feel-good activities make them feel good too.

Notice that guilt is a sign of love, not proof of failure. Parents who don't care don't feel guilty — your guilt shows how deeply you want to do right by your child. But feeling guilty isn't the same as being guilty. Try gently naming it: "this is my caring showing up as guilt," rather than treating every guilty feeling as evidence you've done something wrong.

Let go of "winning" and aim for balance over time. You can't be everything to everyone in every moment — no one can, and trying to is what leaves you feeling you're always letting someone down. Think of balance across the week, not perfection in each day. Your child doesn't need all of you all the time; they need enough of a warm, present-enough you.

Be compassionate about the hard decisions and things outside your control. Separation, illness, work, and difficult choices are often about doing the best you could with what you had — not about failing your child. What shapes children most is warmth and honesty through hard times, not the absence of hard times. Speak to yourself as you would to a friend who was carrying the very same guilt.

Look after yourself, because you matter too — not only because it helps your child. You are a whole person, not just a parent, and your needs are as real and valid as anyone's in the family. Try gently swapping "I don't deserve a break" for "I'm a person too, and I'm allowed to be cared for." Meeting your own needs isn't selfish; it's human.

Think tiny and doable, not big and perfect. Self-care doesn't need spare hours you don't have — it can be five minutes with a hot drink, stepping outside, a few deep breaths, applying hand cream or a spray of perfume, a message to a friend, or a moment of quiet. Small top-ups, woven into ordinary days, add up and are far more sustainable than waiting for time that never comes.

Lessen your load and take some short cuts, or let others in and share the load. Prioritise your jobs for the day. Accept offers of help, ask directly when you need it, and if you have a partner, lean on them a bit — or family, or friends. Reconnecting with people who care about you — not just as a parent — protects against the loneliness and depletion that build up when you carry everything yourself.

Help your child to feel an important and valued family member — this builds their confidence and reminds them how special they are. Give praise generously and often: "That was very kind sharing"; "Thank you for helping me tidy the toys"; "That was very clever."

Ask the teacher to help your child with joining in at playtimes and with paired working with other children in the class. Remember — all the children in the class will feel shy and upset at times and need some help.

Give your child ideas of what to say and how to join in with play. Arrange playdates, and always praise and encourage every effort, however small.

Help your child by encouraging them to have a go, suggest small achievable targets and allow them to build confidence gradually.

Model a "have a go" attitude yourself.

Always praise and reward efforts, however small.